Issue #32 Sunday 4th November 2012

 

 

**The News In The Guild**

 

Welcome to the Sunday edition of 'The Star' Guildies. We hope that everyone has been enjoying the weekend so far with the many parties and celebrations which have been taking place around Atlantis. The office has been abuzz with reporters reporting stories and Editors editing the vast quantities of news we receive and attempt to make legible for your reading pleasure. Speaking of news let's get on with dispersing it.

 

All is quiet in recruitment right now. With no one leaving (Yet) there is currently no space for new members. Whoever came up with the idea that Guilds could only hold up to 80 members needs their head examined if you ask us. Which you haven't. But if you did, then...

 

Science news now and we have 2 new tech ups today. 'eigis' has moved into the LMA exclaiming "At last" in a very loud voice. But how about this Guildies, we now have another member in the Colonial Age. Yes that's right 'ophion' has taken the big leap into a new unknown age that promises to bring with it Travelling Circus's, Perfume Distilleries and Plantation House's along with many other weird and wonderful constructs. 'ophion' had these words for our reporter, "My city will soon be the envy of Atlantis as soon as I can get that Neptune fountain to stop peeing on people as they walk past. It's most embarrassing for the citizens who are visiting the Graveyard". We at 'The Star' wish him luck with his plumbing.

 

MAJOR news now as we have been allowed to announce the recruitment of 2 new Leaders. 'Caphalor' and 'doctiny628' have taken the next step and now enter the elite ranks within Atlantis. Their new duties will include, among other top secret projects, the monitoring of our guild market's Fair Trade Policy (FTP) and the daily Support of Guild members. The current Atlantis Leaders would like to welcome the new Leaders and invite them for tea and scones at 'The Star' HQ (don't worry, there not Tarquin's scones) also they would like to thank them for the fantastic support we're sure they will give to Atlantis and all who reside in her. 

 

We would lastly like to wish 'Burnside' a speedy recovery over his food poisoning incident and hope he's back to work tomorrow as Tarquin only seems to respond to him. 'Lord Zand' has spent all day trying to get him, her, it to stop baking and painting everything purple only to be met with a torrent of foul abuse. In the end 'Lord Zand' had to chain him, her, it up at which point Tarquin settled down and seemed to actually enjoy the chains wrapped around him, her, it. Please come back to work tomorrow 'Burnside' ...pleeeeaaassee...

 

**Other News**

 

Today we start with some good news for Goods fans (specifically members who need a certain type of rock). 'thebho' won the Basalt Lottery and has been rewarded with a Basalt Rock deposit. We congratulate 'thebho' on his win and hope that he will soon have a Basalt Mason up and running to supply the market with this much needed resource. Following on along the same lines 'akhill.gupta' has now constructed 2 Basalt Masons with another under construction. Unfortunately to make room for this he was forced to bulldoze his Brick Works. We got a few words from 'akhill.gupta' during the demolition. "This is a sad day for all brick makers in 'Tiger'. But you can't make an omelette without breaking some egg's so on with the destruction". The brick makers, who unfortunately didn't make it out in time before the demolition had begun, are now retired Permanently.

 

There was comotion in 'ophion's' city today as one of the elephants from his new 'Travelling Circus' managed to break free from its bindings and begin a rampage across several areas of his city. The poor animal was eventually herded into the Local Library where it's trainer could get it under control and lead it out back to the circus. Thankfully no one was hurt and the damage was superficial. 'ophion' has explained that it was shoddy rope made by his own Ropery that was to blame. He assured us that he will be importing rope from 'MrJism' from now on. ***'Mr Jism' High quality rope with that special coating***. What a slogan!!.

 

So lastly we give you our new pullout supplement 'BALLS'. Luckily 'Burnside managed to send in some match reports via Atlantis-mail so we are extremely grateful for that, otherwise we may not have had enough to print. See how hard we work for you Guildies. 

 

 

**********BALLS************

---Footy News with Balls---

 

 

Euphoria and head shaking were in abundance in Atlantis last night as the first league matches were played out. Although it's very very early on in proceedings some managers are already confident enough to start manufacturing merchandise proclaiming themselves champions.... Me thinks there will be a lots of spare oily rags in Atlantis by the end of the season.

 

The strangest match of the day came from Bulldogs park where Burnsides team took on Hokage14. With the bulldogs leading 3 - 0 with only five minutes to go it looked a certain banker three points for Burnside, Then the incredible performance turned to a farce.

 

Shelly Pike an ex Olympian and Pink Unicorns centre forward took a dive in the area, now being as Shelley was a high board champion and ex girlfriend of a certain Mr Tom Daly you can imagine that she made a good job of it and convinced the referee to award a penalty.

She got up and winked at her team mates and took the penalty herself dispatching it into the bottom corner sending the despairing Bulldogs keeper the wrong way, that's when chaos erupted. Pike ran to the away fans and took her top off as she did so, the joyous sight was wondrous to behold and all the Bulldogs team decided to join in with the celebrations.

 

From then on the Bulldogs were attacking their own goal and passing to the ladies in their own box, result... a further three goals and more shirt taking off celebrations. Burnside was furious and complained to the match officials when he got to them inside the pile up of bodies celebrating.

 

We can honestly say that in the long service of reporting sporting events that this was the most enjoyable match ever seen.

There is a down side to this result for Hokage14 though, if her players continue celebrating like this and picking up yellow cards for taking their shirts off then they will have no players left to play as they will all be suspended..... No Burnside I said SUSPENDED not SUSPENDERS.......

 

 

In the other somewhat dull and boring matches in comparison to this one there were 4 hat-tricks on show in the six all draw between Spurdendsa and Stipsa, Raxpool got rid of his rhyming jinx at Slyfoxys with a slick (pun intended) 3 - 1 win and More76 says he will stop whining on now they have his team name right.

 

There is plenty more footy action coming up with league games on Monday night and the second round of the league cup on Wednesday, so until then its goodbye from them and its goodbye from us. 

 

**Final Say**

 

So ends another weekend and the beginning of another working week. The early morning starts, the tedium of typing and of course the hysterical humour from work colleagues. But HEY don't worry 'The Star' will be there for all Guildies to help them through next week. Just remember to look out for us each day. Signing off.....

 

 

 

Copy right reserved TM

Editors: Burnside, Lord Zand 

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