Issue #31 Friday 2nd. November 2012

 

 

 

Around the Guild:

 

Only one piece of news in the guild today and it's not particularly good. Terrornia has left the guild, after explaining to the leadership that he was getting bored with the game and had had enough. 

He did however leave on a heartening note in as much that he wouldn't be leaving for another guild and if he did decide to return to the game he would ask to return to Atlantis.

 

My co-editor Lord Zand should be back tonight sometime and am I glad he is, mind you he will get a shock when he sees what Tarquin has done to the editors office. My god its all pink and purples, from the carpet to the ceiling in mushy colour and soft furnishings.

On the subject of him, her, it. Tarquin advises that he is very disappointed that no-one has written to him with any problems and wonders if no-one loves him... Come on you heartless buggers give him a break, even if I would like it to be his, her, it's neck. Besides if he, she, it aint earning his keep he, she, it will have to go, its costing us a fortune in herbal teas, fizzy water and Garibaldi biscuits.

 

Guild happening:

 

Kolokoy was walking through the main Atlantis graveyard this morning when all of a sudden he hears some music. 

No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward ! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and goes to Spurdensda's city and persuades him to return with him.

By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with Lord Farral, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. Lord Farral notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.

 

By later today the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music. 

 

"Don't you get it?" the caretaker says incredulously. "He's decomposing!"

 

 

 

Sports pages:

 

The sound of female angst continues to rumble around the Atlantis sports arena today, with angry reaction from Melisa about the brick in the handbag comment from Hokage14. This game looks like it's going to be fireworks, and at the right time of the year as well.

Eager neutral fans were flocking (No pun intended Ophion) (Oh well maybe just a little one)

As we were saying eager fans were flocking in their droves (we are at it again) to Melisa's stadium in the hope of getting a ticket for this grudge match.

Burnside attended the stadium today to try and gauge any reaction from the players themselves, however, he was not allowed into the changing rooms. (Boooooo).

He did however manage to gain access to the sprinkler timing system and set it to full for the whole night before the match, thus ensuring his wish of a mud bath pitch (Hehehe).

 

As promised the first league match fixtures are out today and the Star wishes all teams good luck for the forthcoming season.

 

All the below league games will be played on Saturday 3rd. November 2012.

 

LEAGUE DIVISION 1:

 

Burnsides Bulldogs Vs Hokage14 Pink Unicorn

 

Jimmyhig County Vs Jizzalots

 

Kolokoy Cross-boo Tanding Vs Knycknacs Kicker Crackers

 

Lord Farrals Bravehearts Vs Mariposa's Monarchs

 

Monarchy88 CPi Butanding Vs More76 Saxon Voema

 

Rinbins Jesters Vs Seamonky's Westmonk

 

Spurdendsa's Spud LUFC Vs Stipsa's Zute ose Serbia

 

Ujka Sams Bukisland Vs UK's Finest

 

LEAGUE DIVISION 2:

 

Akbhoy67 Celtic Galactico's Vs Akhil Wonder

 

Caphalor Titans Vs Docyiny's Speculums

 

Empted STB Old Boys Club Vs Galts Bohemians

 

Gremla7 MK Maribor Vs Kradlums Kaiser Chiefs

 

Mmarrkks Tartan Spartans Vs PFCJays Thunder

 

Raxpools Hamflickers Vs Slyfoxys City Slickers

 

The Bho's Ballhogs Vs TonyEvl The Big Beer Bellies

 

Wizofwoz Wreclace Warriors Vs Zanders Zombies

 

Copy right reserved TM

Editors:Burnside, Lord Zand 

Official Sponsors of the *AFL* 

 

Issue #31 Saturday 3rd November 2012

 

**************************THE ATLANTIS STAR***********************

**************************************************************************

-----------------------Bringing you all the latest Guild News-------------

 

 

**The News In The Guild**

 

 

Helloooooooooooo Atlantis. Well what can we say about our Guild today apart from WOW what a GREAT Guild this is. 'The Star' has been inundated with requests from players from around Fel Dranghyr desperately asking us for membership. Our waiting list has now surpassed the 100,000 mark, which should make all Guildies feel privileged that they have a place here. However this also means that if you become lazy in supporting (yes you m3gatron) or greedy in the trade market we do have players available to replace you so watch out. You have been warned. (You can tell everything is back to normal now here at 'The Star', can't you :p ).

 

Now let's talk about the real stuff. Firstly a great big thank you to 'Burnside' who has been doing a wonderful job of keeping 'The Star' alive, interesting and funny while our Editor 'Lord Zand' has been away. We can all rest easy knowing that we have such a good team running things around here, except 'Lord Zand' was most upset about his purple office. He has already spanked Tarquin (several times) for this mess and is adamant that Tarquin has learnt his, hers, it's lesson. But hang on what's this, ophion has stolen 'Lord Zand's' identity. We have launched an investigation into this matter. Oh YES we have.

 

Today saw 2 new members join our prestigious Guild. We would like to welcome 'Lupo69' and 'Azdith' to Atlantis and were sure that they will enjoy their time with us. There was going to be a party in Aztopia to celebrate this occasion but it has now been cancelled after the guests saw how many Gallows 'Azdith' had constructed. "One for each guest" 'Azdith' was overheard saying. We shall give that one a miss we thinks, besides 'Burnside's' liver needs a rest. Unfortunately (or not) 'Melkie' was FINALLY kicked out of Atlantis and the very loud cheering by other guild members which followed suggest that the Guild was rather happy about this decision to. We for one are very pleased as it means more active members. 

 

More jubilations for the 3 Guildies who teched up today. Well done to 'thebho', 'niparo' and 'mmarrkk2012' for all reaching the LMA. We think we can safely say from us and all Atlantians that we hope at least one of them brings Basalt with them as there seems to be a shortage of this precious Good right now. 'Mmarrkk2012' has invited all Guildies to his city 'P H M' and has laid on a feast the likes of which have never been seen before (well not since the last one anyway), count us in 'mmarrkk2012', just please no spam this time. We really don't want to go through the Monty Python sketch AGAIN.

 

 

**Other News**

 

 

In other news today one of our reporters managed to get an exclusive story about 'pfcjay's' palace. According to certain sources it is actually a front for a 'Luxury Discreet Brothel' which caters for the nobel and elite men in his city. This revelation has seen an influx of male Guild members swamp 'pfcjay's' city 'Pompey' heading straight for his Palace. Thankfully our reporter was first on the scene before the rush and managed to get a few words from him. "I completely accept these allegations made about my palace. It has served my noblemen well and will continue to do so for man....what's that rumble sound....Oh my Go....". It was at this point that our reporter was flattened. Poor old cedric, we will miss him. It was a miracle that this report made it back to Star HQ at all.

 

Another report now on some strange going's on in one of 'Raxpool's' cabbage fields. Neighbours have been hearing strange noises at night coming from his deepest, darkest cabbage field which have been spooking the cabbages. 'Raxpool's' cabbage pickers have denied any knowledge of these allegations, although one of the pickers was overheard joking to his mate "What's the worst 4 letter word you don't want to hear after having sex"..."Um dunno"..."Now then, Now then". (sorry for that, bad taste, our printer has a mind of its own we swear). 'Raxpool' has also denied the allegations mumbling "I hate Rhyming words".

 

The last report today concerns our editor 'Burnside'. He has been feeling unwell all day due to suspected food poisning. Before he left our office earlier today we asked him what he thought it could have been that made him unwell. 'Burnside' immediately came out with the answer. "That bloody Tarquin. I should never have eaten one of his, her's, it's abyss cakes. Vile creations, covered in glitter and full of Tarquazeen. I'm gonna get you Tarrrr.....blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa". It was then we suggested he go home (thanks 'Burnside'..grumble..grumble...you own me a new shirt). Well we did warn him that Tarquin has a leniency towards homicidal baking.

 

 

**Sports News**

 

 

Yes footy fans it's results time. The first league matches were played today with a whole host of cards, fouls, riots and most importantly Goals. Due to 'Burnside's' poisoning and the fact he has gone home for the day we shall be giving a full report of some of the games in tomorrow’s pullout supplement titled 'Balls'. 

 

The Full Time results of 1st League matches as of 20:00 hrs today:

 

 

********* LEAGUE DIVISION 1: *********

 

Burnsides Bulldogs 3 - 4 Hokage14 Pink Unicorn

 

Jimmyhig County 6 - 5 Jizzalots

 

Kolokoy Cross-boo Tanding 1 - 2 Knycknacs Kicker Crackers

 

Lord Farrals Bravehearts 3 - 4 Mariposa's Monarchs

 

Monarchy88 CPi Butanding 1 - 5 More76 Savon Voema

 

Rinbins Jesters 2 - 5 Seamonky's Westmonk

 

Spurdendsa's Spud LUFC 6 - 6 Stipsa's Zute ose Serbia

 

Ujka Sams Bukisland 6 - 3 UK's Finest

 

 

********* LEAGUE DIVISION 2: *********

 

 

Akbhoy67 Celtic Galactico's 5 - 3 Akhil Wonder

 

Caphalor Titans 5 - 3 Docyiny's Speculums

 

Empted STB Old Boys Club 3 - 4 Galts Bohemians

 

Gremla7 MK Maribor 4 - 5 Kradlums Kaiser Chiefs

 

Mmarrkks Tartan Spartans 1 - 1 PFCJays Thunder

 

Raxpools Hamflickers 3 - 1 Slyfoxys City Slickers

 

The Bho's Ballhogs 1 - 2 TonyEvl The Big Beer Bellies

 

Wizofwoz Wreclace Warriors 2 - 3 Zanders Zombies

 

 

So that’s it for today’s issue. We all here at 'The Star' wish you a happy and safe evening as there are many Firework parties being held around Atlantis tonight. Have fun and see you all tomorrow...Chow....

 

 

 

Copy right reserved TM

Editors:Burnside, Lord Zand 

Official Sponsors of the *AFL*