Issue #30 Thursday 1st November 2012

 

 

Around the Guild:

 

Another 3 Guildies made the LMA in the last 24 hours and congratulations go out to Kyncknac, Raxpool and Teogurita. 

A massive joint party will be thrown at the main Atlantis city hall, it will commence at 5pm ending when the last person has passed out. (Oh my liver)

 

We have some belated congratulations to make, and the Star apologises for their tardiness in not reporting this on time... Dommie made the 100 club two days ago and we have sent him a huge cake to celebrate this momentous occasion.

 

Also reaching the 100 milestone today is our leader and guild founder John Galt who also informs the star that he has also reached 2500 battles. We salute you. Two cakes for you John, Tarquin says you will need to keep your strength up.. I don't quite know what he, she, it, means though John, is there something you want to share with us??? 

 

Other news and gossip:

 

We at the Star have had reports that guild members are getting increasingly worried about the ramblings and warped activities of one of our newer members Ophion.

It is alleged (The Star only reports on what it is told in good faith, we cannot accept responsibility for malicious or untrue allegations) (That's us covered legally).

As we report it is alleged that Ophion has an unhealthy interest in a certain sheep from a nursery rhyme, when our source was asked to elaborate on his allegations he stated. "Well I heard him with my own ears, and also the ear that Caphalor lost (I found it and haven't had the time to return it yet), but it heard him too.

He was singing a little song and seemed to be looking for something, he was acting very furtively, I tried to speak to him but all I could get out of him was this rhyme he kept singing over and over again.

 

Baa Baa black sheep

Where can you be

Oh how I miss you

Sitting on my knee

 

Now my field (Bed) is empty 

Oh it feels so strange

People think that I am sick

Some even say deranged

 

But if they don't like it

Then all I say is 'tough'

cos covered on my trousers

I love to see your fluff.

 

The Star sent a very junior reporter (Harvey) to investigate, he cautiously entered Ophion city to find him grazing in a meadow, now harvey was told not to get too near him so he shouted over and asked Ophion for his take on the allegations made against him.

Ophion answered 'Quote' "I don't know what they are all bleating about, we are only good friends, and as for me being deranged, well they are all Baaarmy" 

 

Well folks you can make of that as you will, we at the Star are very concerned for Ophions state of mind and will be sending Tarquin Buttockclencher to see if he, she, it can sort out Ophions problems for him, so watch this space. 

 

In the meantime the Atlantis peacekeepers have warned people to stay clear of Ophion if they see him especially if you are wearing a woolly item of clothing, the Atlantis health inspectors and vets also warn that he may be carrying sheep scab and foot rot. 

 

Sports pages:

 

Following the excitement of the first round matches and the considerable amount of hand wringing, head shaking and general disbelief at some of the dismal efforts made by some teams, we get back down to business with the second round draw.

 

Firstly though there are some issues to clear up following the first round.

 

3 Official complaints were lodged and have since been dealt with by the leagues officials.

 

MORE76 Saxon Voema complained that his team did not perform as they should have because the league officials left out the Saxon Voema part of his team name. This was done by the leagues officials because they read it as 'Sex on the Verandah' It was later found out that those pesky kids had been in the print room again and apologies have been sent out to More76. 

 

Rinbins Jesters made a complaint that Ujka Sams team were 'On something' indicating their suspicion of drug misuse, the officials have looked into this matter and found that the complaint had no substance to it.

 

Finally Zanders Zombies complained of unfair treatment due to Mrs Burnside making the game results and Burnsides brother being a biased referee. On the first count Mrs Burnside is furious, 

"How dare he make suggestions that I have somehow rigged the result" she shouted "I will have his footBALLS off for this". 

On the subject of the referee being Burnsides brother that too was unfounded, it actually turned out that it was his uncle, therefore the league cannot take any action as the complaint was incorrect.

 

And now onto the second round draw:

 

Slyfoxys City Slicker Vs Spurdendsa's spud LUFC

 

Empted STB Old Boys Club Vs Caphalors Titans

 

Burnsides Bulldogs Vs Wizofwoz Wrecklace Warriors

 

Ujka Sam Burkisland Vs PFCJay's Thunder

 

Mariposa's Monarchs Vs Hokage14 Pink Unicorn

 

Lord Farral's Bravehearts Vs Kyncknacs Kicker Crackers

 

The Bho's Ballhogs Vs Kradlum Kaiser Chiefs

 

Stipsa's Zute ose Serbia

 

There we have it, some very interesting matches to be played not least the battle of the ladies. 

"I look forward to the next round then" Mariposa confidently commented afterwards. 

Obviously a very confident manager that her team will progress to the next round. However, as for Hokage14 she said "So its handbags at dawn" "Mines got a brick in it and is going to knock Mariposa's team out.

WOW are we looking forward to this one boys, lets hope the pitch is extra muddy :)

 

The above ties will be played on Wednesday 7th. November.

 

This Saturday also sees the start of the league campaigns and the first matches will be published in tomorrows Star, with the results being published in the Sunday sports supplement.

 

 

 

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Editors:Burnside, Lord Zand 

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