Issue #27 Monday 29th October 2012

 

 

**The News In The Guild**

 

Good evening fellow guildies here we are with another edition of our famous newspaper, it hardly seems a day since we issued the last one (wait a minute, it was only a day ago), time goes so quickly in the fast lane of journalism.

 

Today we have quite a lot to talk about within the guild, Sallton left us without warning, but there is an exclusive report on this matter within the sports column below.

 

We welcome three new members to the guild... S.T.A.L.K.I.N.G who we are assured is a really nice person despite his creepy name. Brutusbraveheart and last but not least Hokage14 who sneaked in last night just as the guild gates were closing, apparently this is one of the 20 wives that were chasing TonyEvl, however if she has caught up with him yet we do not know, we will have to keep an eye out for that story, in the Meantime the guild peacekeepers have been told to be extra diligent just in case she still has the knife.

 

There were three citys celebrating advancement to LMA since our last issue. Congratulations go out to matuland ... stipsa .... and PFCJay. We were only able to catch up with PFCJay who said that despite us getting the wrong Pompey last time we reported on his city, he thought that the rumble of excitement at getting advancement was better than Pompei and the eruption of Versuvius.

 

Following on from the successes in the PvP tournaments our congratulations go out to Knycknac who informs the Star that he also won 3 tournaments last time out... Lets have a big round of applause folks.

 

The Star would now like to introduce a new member to our team, due to the rising amount of problem letters we are receiving we have decided to appoint an agony Aunt. Well an agony Uncle well we think he is a he but we are not sure and neither Lord Zand nor I dare ask him, her, it.

 

Anyway please welcome our agony columnist Tarquin Buttockclencher.

 

Well hello dearies, my what a drab place this editorial room is, still I will soon spruce it up a bit with some nice chintz curtains and a few pansies scattered around the place, those horrible hard chairs have gone, I replaced them with bean bags and scatter cushions, and no more stewed tea, cappuccino darling and fizzy water. Well enough of that lets begin with our very first problem letter..

 

This was sent in by a guild member who will remain anonymous for obvious reasons so we will call him Wozofwiz instead of his real name so nobody knows who it is. Here is his letter:

 

Dear Tarquin,

 

I have recently had some major developments in my life. A huge opportunity presented itself to me and I have found myself in the lucky position of doing my dream job that of being a football manager of a high profile club, however, this has turned out to be the worst moment in my life and I'm not sure I can go on.

The paparazzi are outside my house day and night looking for expose's in my private life and I'm sure the local Bohemian coach has my phone line tapped. 

I've subsequently started taking dry herbs and the monkeys ran off with my wife please help.

 

OOooh I say you poor thing. Never mind luvvy things always look darkest just before dawn as my dear old mummy used to say. 

Now what I suggest is that you invite all those lovely butch reporters in (especially that Lord Zand) (I have my eye on him) Sit them down and give them all a nice cup of camomile tea, that will soothe their nerves and they won't be bothering you as much.

As for the monkey running off with your wife, well I never, mind you looking at the photo you sent in with your letter I cant say I blame her.

My remedy is to go and ask Ujka sam for some of his really good stuff and then you wont know what planet you are on and wont care, case solved.

 

Bye luvvies speak soon (MWAHH).

 

IF YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEMS YOU THINK TARQUIN COULD HELP YOU WITH PLEASE PM A LETTER TO OUR EDITOR BURNSIDE, AND THE LOVELY LADY, MAN, THING WILL SORT IT OUT FOR YOU.

 

OK now we will go to our sports section for the latest gossip.

 

As already mentioned Sallton has left the Guild, he sneaked off without telling anyone the reason why but our crack reporters tracked him down on the road to nowhere, here is what he told him.

 

"Well it was like this you see, I got this football club together to compete in the Atlantis league, and I thought to myself I know a way to get rich quick. So what I did was to train up 100 goalkeepers, then I flooded the market with them, I was only asking for 10 strikers for one goalkeeper, now you cant ask fairer than that now can you, Can you......

 

I think he said it all.

 

More news from the league. Due to Salltons club going into liquidation a new club has emerged to take their place Seamonkeys Westmonk will now compete in Division 1 and will play Empted STB Old Boys Club in the league cup.

 

Another team went into liquidation later today, that being Furnikus's Kickers. Apparently the Atlantis football association governing body had been to watch them train and saw that they wore steel toe capped boots, they kicked them out fearing for the safety of the other teams.

Into the breach steps our second ladies team (They have come a long way in football lately so watch out boys) yes we have Hokage14 Pink Unicorn, they will play in Division 1 and will play Akhil Wonder in the league cup.

 

Last but not least our apologies go out to Akbhoy67 for the miss-spelling of his name in yesterdays Star.

 

That's all folks as the rabbit always said. See you around this time tomorrow... Oh wait a minute though... The Star may be a little late tomorrow due to unforseen circumstances. but be rest assured it will be with you as soon as it can possibly be printed.

 

Copy right reserved TM

Editors:Burnside, Lord Zand 

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